A Certified Etiquette Consultant helps us avoid holiday faux pas.

By Sarah Emily Gilbert

The holiday season brings social gatherings, gift giving, and a myriad of questions regarding proper etiquette. Should the hairdresser get a tip? How many glasses of wine are appropriate at the office party? Can I regift? With all the stresses of the holiday season, it’s difficult to remember your Secret Santa gift, let alone mind your P’s and Q’s.

To ensure we’re well mannered this year, we enlisted the help of Tatia Adams Fox, a Certified Corporate Etiquette and International Protocol Consultant. Fox is the President and Founder of the New School of Etiquette based in South Orange, NJ with locations in Englewood Cliffs, Hoboken, and Atlanta, Georgia. Her modern etiquette school teaches children six and older more than proper manners, but also life and leadership skills in an upbeat environment. The school also offers adult private and group sessions, as well as corporate and organization sessions. Here, Fox answers some of our biggest questions regarding proper etiquette during the holiday season.

Is re-gifting allowed? How about gift returns?

RE-GIFTING

Re-gifting has become more popular and acceptable the last few years. The stigmatism of re-gifting was certainly a fast and definitive way to get added to the “uninvited list”. However, re-gifting “responsibly” is allowed. Here are just a few things to consider when re-gifting:

• Never gift within the same circle of friends, family and colleagues. It is likely someone may rave about the gift you gave them only to learn that it was gifted by the very person you’re sharing your excitement.
• Children can donate gifts to a charity of choice upon receipt of a gift not to their liking. I strongly suggest explaining the rules of re-gifting with your kids to avoid that awkward moment of the child blurting “Thanks, we gave your gift to someone else because I didn’t like it much!”
• If re-gifting, a freshly re-wrapped gift is also nice way to add your “own” flavor to the gift. Be sure to carefully examine the gift for personalized items, tags, old cards, etc.
• Re-gifting for no specific occasion and is a great time re-gift. If you receive a gift that may be more suitable or liked by a friend, why not give a “just because” I thought of you gift. You could even disclose it was gifted to you, but felt it would best serve them.

GIFT RETURNS

Gift returns are perfectly allowed for a different color or size. If it’s not your style, it’s acceptable and polite to say, thanks for the gift I have something very similar in style and color, is ok to maybe exchange for something else? This shows the gift giver you really like her gift as you already have something similar, and also allows them to feel good saying, “Sure, please exchange for something you don’t have in your closet.”

Are gift cards or cash appropriate gifts?

Gift cards or cash as gifts are appropriate. There can be the stigmatism that the gift giver was rushed and invested very little thought when thinking of the person being gifted. To avoid this “impersonalization” , and a gift card/cash is your best solution, try adding a complimentary themed small gift with the gift card. For example, if gifting an iTunes card, then add a pair of bud ear phones? If gifting cash, enclose with a meaningful handwritten message from you.

If you’re going to re-gif a gift card, be sure the full value is on the card and activated. Always include the gift receipt.

When does a gift require a thank you note? Can the note be typed or emailed?

Always send a thank you card. A typed or emailed “Thank You” may be received as impersonal. A hand written note or card says you appreciate and cared enough to say “Thank You” in a very personal way.

Can you opt out of the Secret Santa at your workplace?

The answer is “yes”, you can opt out of Secret Santa at your workplace, but here are three things to consider: (1) You could be perceived as having issues with management or the team, (2) You’re not a team player or (3) You don’t care to build relationships with your co-workers.

I would strongly suggest not opting out of Secret Santa at the workplace. If money is tight, try to pinch pennies else where (avoid buying lunch for a couple of days and bring in your own lunch) so that you can participate in the Secret Santa. There’s more to lose than gain by not participating in Secret Santa. Don’t be a Scrooge.

Are you allowed to drink at your holiday office party?

If drinks are being served at the holiday party, then yes. However, be mindful to manage your intake and remember you are at a work function. Colleagues both upper and senior level management always observe how you carry yourself at “all” times. Just remember, your actions and behavior are a direct reflection of you and how you represent the company you work for is something that should never be taken lightly. A good rule of thumb - enjoy a glass of wine or a cocktail and remember, there’s a time and place for everything.

What are your thoughts on holiday newsletters (the ones sent to friends and family to update them on the past year’s events)?

I think its a great way to keep everyone informed in the event a highlight or success story was missed throughout the year.

Who should you tip during the holidays and how much should you give them (i.e.: hairdressers, postman, newspaper deliverers, etc.)

You should tip any and everyone that makes your everyday life a little sweeter, easier, adds cheer and most importantly provides good service throughout the year. From the garbage man ($20) to the postman ($25), hair dresser ($60), housekeeper ($100), sitter ($50-$75), doorman ($25), etc. It’s a thoughtful gesture to let them know you appreciate them. Amounts vary with the giver, it’s the thought of giving that is most important.

What should you bring to a holiday dinner party?

I find it helpful to always ask the host/hostess. More than likely they’ll say, bring yourself, nothing more or they’ll let you and other guests know what’s needed for the party. Flowers for the host are always a nice sentiment, coupled with a bottle of champagne or wine. If you know the host has a favorite dessert, that’s always a nice option in lieu of flowers.

When hosting a holiday, do you need to have food that meets all the guests’ dietary restrictions (i.e. gluten-free, vegetarian, kosher, etc.)?

As a gracious host, it’s your mission to ensure everyone is happy, comfortable and enjoying themselves. You never want a guest to feel like they’re an inconvenience to you or the other guests. And you certainly do not want them to feel left out. It’s always a great idea to get dietary restrictions prior to hosting your event and prepare something for everyone. It’s also a great opportunity for everyone to try new foods that they would not have tried otherwise. Consider yourself a curator of all taste buds, your guests will love and appreciate you even more.

Responses/Answers provided by Certified Business Etiquette, Leadership and International Protocol Consultant, New School of Etiquette